I'm just sick of it.....

and believe me, I have lists of things I'm sick of. I have lists broken down into categories.

Mostly though, I'm sick of death. In a three week period, I've had a friend lose her baby in her 22nd week of pregnancy, we lost a friend who was our age to a massive heart attack and every time I come to work, another patient has passed away. Tonight was the 45 yr old mother of four ranging from ages 17 to 7. And she was expecting to go home tomorrow. Her home not HIS home.

Blech! Blah! :::Spitspitspit:::! I just want to get it all out of my mouth, my mind, my thoughts. I'm tired of hearing and thinking about death. Blech!

So what do I do when I'm bored at work and there aren't any new episodes of the sitcoms on line for me to watch? I look up Dateline and watch old episodes! Different kind of death! It's more for background noise than anything. I can't stand sitting here all night in the dead silence. Why is it we find murder mystery so riveting?

Number 2 on my list......I'm sick of stupid people. Or annoying people who I feel are stupid. I've written a few things on my Facebook page, just updating about trivial things and a certain family member keeps replying. This family member has never commented on my page, she was never on Facebook for years. Now she's on and she acts like we are sisters. This is the same family member that I turned to about 11 years ago and was told that she and her sister had discussed the situation and they felt they shouldn't get involved. Shouldn't get involved? So you shouldn't help, listen to or give advice to your own sister in law? Really? And you and your "real" sister decided that? Okie dokie then. But now all of a sudden on my Facebook page I'm getting "your sister" comments etc. Please, take your own advice and your "real" sisters advice and don't get involved with me. Don't give me your advice, don't even try to act like you are there for me or even know me. I've changed drastically over the last 10 years and you have no idea of what I've been through or the person I've become because of it all. Go away, it's too late!

Does that make me a mean or bitter person? I don't know, maybe in some people's opinions but in mine, I've been hurt and there is no getting that back. I learned to take care of things by myself, I stopped thinking I could count on you. So seriously, there is no going back or just picking up, it's not happening. I'm not a forgive and forget person. I'll be nice to you, I'll get along with you, I'll socialize with you, but you will not gain my trust back, it's not going to happen.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could write that in your status?? LOL

Number 3 on my list this week.........people who come to talk to you, you tell them one thing and then the next thing you know, the entire conversation is about them, their kids, their day, their inlaws, their opinions, their day, their thoughts, their feelings and then.....time to move on. Yes, I'm fine thank you for asking....no I have nothing going on, nothing new, nothing's up because sitting here talking about you you you is just going to make the back of my eyeballs hurt. I'm all for 2 sided conversations, hell they are enjoyable. But I'm so tired of always listening! Sounds horrible huh? Eh, whatever.

I'll end my whining list there. Not like anyone is really listening anyway. Tis okay, feels good just to unload!!

Been almost a year.......

since I last wrote on my blog. I got to the point that I just didn't see the point in it. I got bored. I got tired of trying to think of interesting things to say.

Then the other day I was driving to work. I don't know about you but my mind is going a mile a minute when I'm driving. And sometimes I have these conversations in my head with myself. All of which I think is completely normal.

So I thought instead of having these little talks with myself, I should just write them out. I was thinking of just doing it in a journal on the computer but then figured hey, you have the blog why not just do it there. Not sure any of the 26 followers will read or care, but that's not the reason for writing. It's more for me, just to get it out of the head.

So, I'm discovering more and more about myself. Not always a good thing! I'm learning that I'm just not a real people person. People can annoy the hell out of me. I think it's part of this perimenopausal thing I'm going through. Seriously, this PM thing is the worst. It's a struggle every day to get out of the funk it causes. But I can not shake the feeling of not wanting to deal with people.

Maybe it's time to find some ways to help deal with this PM. Before I hurt someone!

Just some stuff......

just sitting here at home enjoying my peace and quiet, so I thought I'd write.

We finally have wireless internet working in the house again so I'm sitting in bed on my notebook, which I haven't been able to do for about 9 months! Wooohoo!

The kids are all busy doing their things throughout the house right now and the husband is at the hospital having his sleep study done. I can not wait to see the number they come up with for him. I'm sure he stops breathing a lot when he sleeps but lately I think it's been worse and his doctor ordered a study done. A friend from work had this done and she had stopped breathing 52 times in an hour. I'm better he's more than that in an hour. His snoring keeps me up all the time. I'm going to enjoy this quiet night!

Of course I'm still up at 12:3o AM because I am so used to being up with my work schedule. But when I do get to bed, it's going to be so quiet!

I have a good book to cuddle up with but this computer keeps calling me. I started Every Last One by Anna Quindlen the other day. Seems good so far. I've never read this author before so I thought I'd give her a try since I heard the books is good and I have a few others of hers. I'm so proud of myself, I've been trying several new to me authors. Found out that I love Laura Lippman. I don't know how I missed her all these years. I also read Room by Emma Donoghue last week. That was a tough book when you thought too much about it. It was very good though. I kept hearing the name ROOM everywhere so I thought why not. I'm glad I did. I also read my first Lisa Scottoline which I really liked and loved the Philadelphia & Suburbs references. I actually have several of her books and have no idea of why I've never read them but I'm going to go with the excuse that there are so many authors and just not enough time.

It was back to a full work week this week and it started off sad. The young man who was in our hospital passed away. I found out the other night when I went to work. I just cried. I didn't even know him, never saw him. But I knew he was on the floor below me and I just could not imagine how his family was doing. I know there are children dying every day and then multiply that by every hospital, city and state and the numbers are just horrible. I think this one just hit me hard because I have a 16 yr old son. And I know I think too much, wonder too much, imagine too much. These are just a few reasons why I could never ever become a nurse! Good heavens, I'd be a total wreck every day. I just pray for his family. I just can not imagine that pain. And hope I never have to!

It's hard to believe the holidays are over, the time is flying! There is so much to do this year and I'm not ready! This is the looking at colleges year, taking SATs and praying that this son of mine can figure out what he wants to be! Not an easy task since he'd be perfectly happy being 16 for the rest of his life! My very own Peter Pan. That kid cracks me up! Actually, I'd like to keep him 16 too! I'd like them all to just stop, freeze, no more growing up!

I need some magic dust!