Illegitimis Non Carborundum

Monday, December 27, 2010

I've been slacking..........

and I'm going to blame it mostly on the rush of the holidays. But we all know that's not quite true since basically I sit here at work 5 nights a week for 8 hours with not a lot to do so I could be blogging.

Only I don't feel like I have much to say most of the time.

So I've decided that for the new year, I'm just gonna say whatever I feel like and let the world see how boring I am. LOL

Christmas was so wonderful at our house! All the kids were happy, which is one of the most important things to me! I know it's not about the materialistic things but I like giving my kids presents and seeing them happy with even the little things. I've seen too many sad and depressing things in the last several years to deny myself that little joy!

After the kids did the opening presents routine, we went to 12 o'clock mass at our church. My daughter is an altar server and she got the 12! First time in years that we didn't have Christmas Eve mass. But it was beautiful! And I'll admit, I cried during mass. Not a lot, just that filled up, teary kind of cry. Certain hymns always get me but this year, I just couldn't help it, my heart was kind of feeling heavy.

Without saying too much and losing my job, there is a patient in our hospital where I work. He's very sick and it made me really sad to think about him being in ICU all of Christmas. I think too much. I thought about his family. I wondered if his mother sat there and thought back to a year ago. How could she not. A year ago she didn't have a sick child. A year ago she didn't think this was going to happen. A year ago, everything was different and some things were just so damn important. I don't think those things were important this year. Most of our patients here are adults and I guess this child is considered an adult because he's 18 but in my book, you're a kid. You didn't do enough, you just graduated, you didn't live, you are a kid! It broke my heart to think of them this weekend.

And while I sat in mass, I listened to the petitions. We prayed for many things but we always pray for the deceased of our parish. This year I recognized a name. I hate that. I like to think that everyone on that list is old, lived a nice long life. But I knew this man, who was only 26, wasn't one of those old people who lived a long, happy, fulfilling life. I didn't know him personally, but I know his mother. Her youngest went to school with my oldest. She is a good mother, a good catholic and a dedicated leader to our CYO. She served our parish as our CYO director for 20 years. And she lost her oldest child to drugs. I don't know how or the details but to me, those aren't important. She did all the right things. She sent him to school and church. He went on to college. He played soccer all those years. He started to grow up and he referred games. He seemed to have all the foundation to grow up and become something, anything he wanted. But he didn't. He died. And his mother had to bury him a few days before Christmas. How do you have Christmas on Saturday when you bury your oldest child on Wednesday?

I'm hoping and praying that I never find out.

But with those two situations on my mind this week, I enjoyed every second of my over- materialistic holiday. I enjoyed every second of seeing the joy on their faces. I enjoyed the OMGs and the I can not believe its. I enjoyed the shopping, the crowds, the traffic, the going back to the store 3 times because it was the wrong one the other 2 times. I enjoyed the back breaking wrapping, the stressful pain in the ass tape, and the lost scissors.

I'm hoping that every stinking year I get to enjoy it over and over and over again, just the same exact way, with nothing changing, nothing screwing it up, nothing making it any less crazy. I want to always have 3 piles, one with blue wrapping paper, one with green wrapping paper and one with red wrapping paper.

I'll take more piles, more gifts, more wrapping paper colors, more stress but please, never less.



  1. ((Lori))
    I have so much to say here, but I can't find the right words.
    I agree, bring me more :)

  2. Your thoughts and words are beautiful, Lori, even if they're wrapped in sadness.
    At this time, I'm sure it's a comfort (however small) to both mothers to know you are thinking and praying for and with them.
    I, too, have cried at Mass. I think it makes Him happy that our hearts are moved.
    Keep writing... you do well!


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