The Years.....

I am so sad and melancholy.

On Friday, the Archdioceses of Philadelphia announced that they were closing 49 schools. Four of the schools are High Schools. And one of those High Schools is my alma mater, the same school that my daughter is supposed to start in September 2012.

I am devastated. I cried and had a major meltdown. I'm sad and I can not explain it.

Everyone keeps telling me that no matter what school Victoria goes to, she will be fine. She is smart, she has a wonderful personality and she will fit in. I agree with all that. But I am still sad. I'm sad and mourning what "we" lost. She was going to my school. I was going to get to volunteer there, just like I do at the boys school. It's an all girls school so they have special events for their Mothers & Daughters, and I was so looking forward to those with her, at my alma mater. The school is right in our neighborhood, we can drive there in 3 mins. Now any school she chooses is at least a 20 minute drive without traffic. Or she would have to take the bus. We won't be right down the street and that is only one of the downfalls. It's a nice, small, local, tight, family school. Classmates of mine have daughters that were going to go there with my daughter. She was going to be with those girls, make new friends and we were going to have our little mini reunions.

And now that has all been taken away from me and from my daughter.

We are going down fighting though! We are going to see if there is anything we can do, with the backing of the Alumnae Association, the School Board, the Faculty & Staff, Students and hopefully others in the Community.

And while fighting, we have to look for a new school for her. My choices are a co-ed catholic school that I know nothing about, that isn't that far from home but still about 20 minutes away. Or an all girls catholic school that is in a bad neighborhood, but that everyone swears nothing bad ever happens because of the chartered buses and protection around the school. The all girls school has the involvement and sisterhood that I wanted her to experience from my school. The co-ed school is, well, co-ed. I was actually looking forward to her getting away from that. I know she'll be involved with boys and still meet them, but I was liking the idea that they wouldn't be in class together.

I never thought I was going to have to be making this decision. I hate that I'm being forced to.

And because of these school closings, a lot of grade schools will be merging together. To be fair to all the schools, they will be changing the names of the schools, teachers will have to reapply for their jobs and I have no idea of who is going to be running the schools, etc. So basically, that makes my daughter's class the last class of her school. Wow. NEVER thought that was going to happen.

It makes me think back. It makes me remember when the school yard was so packed with kids and they had 3 classrooms per grade. Some are down to one room with 24 students in it. It's sad.

It's making me realize how fast time is flying. And I'm not liking it.

I was looking at some books in this bookcase we have at work. I saw a book by Kathy Reichs. I was going to pick it up but I thought maybe her books were from a series and I don't like reading out of order. That made me remember when my oldest son was in kindergarten, I used to keep a book in my truck. I would sit and read when I picked him up when the 2 other kids were alseep in their car seats. The book was Deja Dead. I never finished the book. I kept it in the truck, moved it to the next truck when we bought a new one. But I never finished it. I read tons of other books in between but I never really read or got through that book. And now, my son is in 12th grade, looking at colleges, accepted to 5 with scholarships and has been offered to apply for full scholarships, based on merit.

How did I get this far? How did those 12 years of school go flying by? Where did my kindergartener go? The one who would run around in the school yard, wearing a baseball hat with a blue backpack and always with a book inside.

I don't even know where that book went, Deja Dead. I never read it. It probably got put in a box when we cleaned out the next 2 cars. I remember it moving from the blue Suburban to the white Suburban, then to the black Suburban, but I know it's not in the blue Pilot. And there are no car seats in there either. No little kids that need them.

And I don't know how that happened!

and that's why I'm sad and melancholy.